Ah yes. Thanksgiving. A time to gorge ourselves into physical pain, share our gratitude in long winded Facebook posts, and listen to Clay Aiken’s Christmas CD with utter abandon since the holiday season is now upon us. Many will argue that this feast is their favorite holiday, but like most savvy materialistic females, I have to disagree. There is nothing quite like the joy, the thrill that Black Friday offers. The promise of abundant savings, copious purchases, and spending my month’s rent in a matter of hours makes Black Friday my favorite national holiday.
My older sister and I have observed this day for as long as I can remember. We try to go to a different mall every year and hope that one year we will make it all the way to The Mall of America. (I have goosebumps thinking about it.) The rules are simple. Feel free to take notes and participate in the fun!
- Wake up at an ungodly early hour. Curse everything. Bright lights, the cold, even Black Friday itself until you get at least two cups of coffee in your system.
- Hope with every ounce of misguided optimism you can muster that there will be a parking spot right up front. When you park in the next town over, shrug it off and reason that this is all a part of the fun.
- You can only buy for yourself. Christmas shopping is reserved for the week before Christmas. Why waste these fabulous deals on others when you are, in fact, needy?
- Big purchases first. Early on you have the most strength and vigor. Those bags get heavy. Take a trip to the car before lunch and drop them off.
- Lunch before noon with cocktails. Nothing says shopping spree like a sensible libation. Liquor gives you the ability to justify any and all purchases.
- You must make at least one impulse purchase. Do I really need it? Do I really love it? Doesn’t matter. You’re getting it for a fabulous price and need to stop asking so many questions.
- Go home and count up how much you spent and how much you saved. Savings should be the larger number. Also, take stock of how many shopping bags you have. If you find a purchase you forgot making, you have had a successful experience.
Clearly, I’m a seasoned shopper and advocate for supporting the economy. That said, I am seriously offended by the birth of Brown/Gray Thursday. There is some discrepancy over the color in this title, but I say we call it Thanksgiving, because that’s what it is and should forever be. (Besides both of those colors are gross. Black is timeless.) This whole start shopping on Thursday movement is rude and a blatant disregard of tradition. Yes, I’m speaking for the voiceless retail workers, but more importantly, I’m speaking for Black Friday’s dignity. We need to put an end to this madness and save Black Friday deals for the only appropriate day. Friday. Otherwise, it’s false advertising, and I’m writing a nasty letter to the BBB.
Here is a collection of treasured memories from Black Fridays Past.
5 Years ago
4 am, 3 years ago.
Last year, basking in the sun after dropping off bags.
So many goodies!
